Supermarket Chicken Part II — Tender Revenge
We take an urgent look at a supermarket's chicken tenders. Has the tide turned in favor of these adulting nuggets?
Similar to our previous installment, this week's Vons weekly circular invited us to take on its deli's fried chicken offerings for $5 (select Fridays only). This week's sacrifice to the mouth was a pound of chicken tenders, which admittedly I had already tried a few months back.
My experience then was incredibly forgettable. The chicken was cooked appropriately, but the level of salt neared levels that could only be interpreted as aggravated assault. I assume the frustrated Vons preparer was vigorously jerking the salt shaker as some form of cathartic release. Either that or they lost their taste buds in a tragic gas siphoning accident, which I assume is how all of us will be "acquiring" petrol in the near future. Or maybe they just didn't care, which I can't get mad about, because the job sounds like it carries some less than glamorous responsibilities (e.g. dealing with customers like me).
After unintentionally skipping breakfast and facing a refrigerator without any quick options, I headed down to Vons for a batch of their deli's chicken tenders.
To my delight, this latest visit produced a 180° turnaround experience. The tenders were seasoned just about right, and thanks to some fortuitous timing, they tasted like they were recently made (11 a.m. seems to be a sweet spot at this Vons). The bottom line is that they were surprisingly good. And to make them healthy, when I got home, I chopped up a couple of tenders and threw them into a sensible salad. So I added a year to my life, which is what I assume is the mathematical outcome of [fried_chicken_tenders + sensible_salad]/[no_dressing].
And on this visit I was further titillated to correct a misconception that I had been carrying. For quite some time, I assumed that all of Vons deli's chicken was frozen and pre-breaded, and taken from the same stock you'd find in the Totino's aisles of the grocery store. From there I figured they popped them into an industrial oven and cranked them out in the same manner as a convenience store with a try-hard-but-not-quite-there electrical oven would.
Thanks again to serendipitous timing, I witnessed a deli associate preparing fried chicken from scratch and then lowering them into a commercial deep fryer. These are the real deal and this whole time I wrongfully thought they were in the same class as Swanson Hungry-Man.
(While writing this I learned that "Swanson" was dropped from the title of Swanson Hungry-Man, likely to emphasize the philosophical hunger for knowledge and understanding that exists within the soul of man as a species. Further down this rathole I learned that the son of the founder of Swanson, W. Clarke Swanson, has a library named after him in Omaha, Neb. I've visited Omaha — the downtown area is a good time and mostly walkable, depending on where you're staying. What does the "W" in "W. Clarke Swanson" stand for? To this day, nobody knows.*)
While I didn't witness them prepare their chicken tenders, I'm hoping they're using similar from-scratch preparation. The thickness of the breading makes me a little suspicious.
So hey, $5 for a pound of handmade chicken tenders is a deal you're not getting anywhere (especially in Southern California). Is it KFC or Popeyes? No, but it's good enough and at that price point, it easily wins on value.
The List
The List is unchanged and remains even more undefeated than before in all matters related to fried chicken sandwiches.
Oreo BTS are Dynamite
Whenever there's a new flavor of Oreos, I'm all in on giving them a shot.
I purchased the BTS Oreos a couple of months ago and they've quietly sat in a cupboard, almost forgotten due to the massive backlog of fried chicken sandwiches finding their way into the tasting lab.
Finally opened them up and gave them a swallow.
Now I know that BTS is a huge global phenomenon, much like The List. However I'm familiar with only a couple (maybe one) of their songs. So I don't have a large background in their music.
That being said, I can confidently say that these Oreos are undoubtedly their biggest hit. I could not possibly imagine anything in their catalog coming close.
The flavor is intended to emulate hotteok, which Oreo describes as a "classic Korean-style pancake filled with melted brown sugar."
I haven't had hotteok before so I can't compare these Oreos to that snack, but these are delicious. The taste of brown sugar was light and not overwhelming. Our lab thought they detected hints of ube, but my guess is this was a phantom taste belief based on the visually attractive purple wafers.
They're still on sale, but they've been on shelves for a while, so they're probably disappearing soon.
New Sour Gummies That You (or I) Need to Know Everything About for Your Own Mental Well-Being
A quick round up on new (to us or otherwise) sour gummies appearing on the shelves of our local drug and/or dollar stores:
These hit it out of the park on all levels. The gummies, especially the cola, taste like the sodas they represent. And the sourness is complementary and at a proper level of strength.
These are tangy and also deliver mouth pleasure. While not as good, they remind me of Extra Spicy Pulparindo, which I would habitually throw into my basket at the regretfully now defunct 99 Cents Only Stores (long live).
There is a special place in hell (or Dodger Stadium parking lot) for companies that make terrible sour gummies.
This is a terrible sour gummy. It's unfortunate because Hi-Chews and even the non-gummy Hi-Chew Sweet & Sours are terrific. There's no sourness to these. They resemble gummy-like candies that are dusted with crystallized sugar and then travelled back in time to be sold in the 1920s.
These taste like they were created by someone who put in their two weeks notice because they didn't get promoted to Highest-Chew or whatever the corporate hierarchical step is at this candy powerhouse, and proceeded to launch a product that says "I Hate-Chew" before finally turning in their entry badge. In their uncensored good-bye email to the fellow employees who they no doubt hated, they signed off with "this path was chew-sen for me, f--k you very much."
I'll stop now.
The Poultry-Celluloid (Poulluloid? Cellutry?) Matchmaker
Watched some series and movies that are worth viewing:
Gone (Britbox) — The twist ending didn't provide the gut punch I was hoping for. But the journey to the end was a good ride. And it's a short (six 45-49 minute episodes) yet substantial series. Probably pairs well with slow-cooked and then shredded chicken breast.
Ride or Die (Prime Video) — I didn't want to like this because the ads made it seem like something I've seen a hundred times before. But this was fun and filled with surprises and twists that kept me glued. Would pair well with some spicy fried chicken wings.
Obsession (Peacock) — The acting performances here are just spot on and a clever take on the premise. Blackened chicken thighs are a good complement here.
Primate (Prime Video) — Eight-eight minutes of that delivers on animal horror thrills. Fun fact I learned — rabies does not exist on the Hawaiian islands. You're sailing through this while chomping down on a bucket of drumsticks.
Clucking Fly!
I have a very important question for you:
Do you have free time? Do you enjoy unoriginal video games that offer cheap yet fleeting satisfaction? Do you wish these video games were fried chicken sandwich-themed?
Play Clucking Fly!
Play it now. Play it tomorrow. Play it yesterday.
We made it in an hour and it shows. You play a flying fried chicken sandwich trying to make through towers of southern-style biscuits. That's all.
It's free and there are worse ways you could be wasting your time (committing homicide ⬅️ that is definitely a worse way).
* Walter. It stands for Walter.